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Don't Buy a Newfie If...

Giant Breed?

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How to tell if you own a Giant Breed dog

 

If the sound of running water makes you jump up and yell, "OUTSIDE! "Your dog is a Giant breed . . .

If you tell your dog to sit, and he backs up until he finds a chair, your pet is a Giant Breed.

If it takes 3 people to get your dog on the scale at the vets, and your Vet has to coerce his employees with cleaning the dog room, in order to assist in helping. They know full well they will need a change of clothing after being slimed in this endeavor and . . . your dog is a Giant Breed.

If you walk your dog and everyone knows him by name, and you have no idea who these people are . . . You own a Giant Breed and your mailman has been slimed by your dog.

If you take your dog with you in the winter instead of a shovel, and your dog is capable of towing a stuck vehicle out of a snow drift. . . you own a Giant Breed.

If your dog can hide an entire coke can (among other things) fully inside his lips and give you that innocent look that says, "What? I'm not eating anything!" It's not a fur-ball caught in his throat - it's the cat. Make him spit it out immediately and you own a Giant Breed.

If you carry a tape measure with you when shopping for a new vehicle . . . you own a large breed, if you purchase a 4-door pickup - sport utility vehicle - or any other large vehicle for transporting your dog - he's a Giant breed.

If you keep at least one color-coded "drool towel" in every room of your house. If every purse you own looks like a diaper bag to hold drool towels and snacks . . . you own a Giant Breed

If you are hiking with a friend who later suggests that you ought to have an environmental impact study done on your dog. Or your doggie disposal bag is a 30-gallon trash bag and it's full after one outing - you own a Giant Breed.

If visitors enter the house holding their privates protectively and wearing a rain coat - your dog is a Giant Breed and drools big slime wads.

If you take your dog for a ride and he rests his head on your arm, causing you to make random right turns, your dog is a Giant Breed.

If you have given up on water dishes and you just use the bathtub, your dog is a Giant Breed.

If you have to move over when brushing your teeth because your dog wants a drink . . . you need your own bathroom and you own a Giant Breed.

If while stopped at a stop light, everyone stares as your car rocks back and forth because the dog is panting out the window, you have a compact car and you own a Giant Breed - you should have taken a tape measure with you car shopping.

If you avoid the dogs on your way out the door, so they won't smear your makeup or slime your outfit - you own a Giant breed.

If you've learned to force a smile when asked, "do you have a saddle for that thing?" You own a Giant Breed.

If the monthly dog budget exceeds your home mortgage payment, you own a Giant Breed.

If your veterinarian has been able to put in a swimming pool, build a large home, buy jet skis and a personal plane, you own a Giant Breed.

If you have had to train your dog not to lick dishes, and the dishes are in the sink . . . You own a Giant Breed.

If the donuts you put on top of the refrigerator are gone when you get home and your dog has powdered sugar on his nose, you need to find a hardware store and get those child proof locks for ALL of your cabinets - and you own a Giant Breed.

If your dog can see what you're cooking, and he tries to assist you in the preparation by licking the spoon - you own a Giant Breed.

If ALL of the delivery people tell you to meet them at the end of the driveway - Your dog is a Giant Breed that drools a lot, commonly known as slime.

If you purchase a large screen TV and you still can't see the program when he stands in front of the television - try a ceiling mount and yes you own a Giant Breed.

If the first warm days brings out shampoo and the hose to give your dog a bath outside - to avoid the increase of flood insurance on your home - yes you own a Giant Breed.

If you answered yes to any of the above questions - Then, yes - a Giant Breed owns you, and you too have my sympathies.